#20 : I think maybe I

I thought that today was going to be smooth. Nothing as bad would happen, but just as I was going to smile to myself for all the good things that had happened today, I felt that someone was there, we both had a glimpse of each others' face. I felt that my mind was flipping through the pages of memories and there I was, almost rooted to the ground.

Feeling tired because of the aching waist was enough. I didn't thought the sight of that someone really make me break down. At that point of time, there was only one person I was thinking of. _____. I didn't know what to do, but to run away and cry as loud as I can.

The first was one year ago. The second was a year after.

Looking back at those times, I feel like my heart was breaking into pieces. A clear sight of his face. Just a glimpse on each other, and that's it, it all went crashing down on me.

When I came back to sit at the exact spot, my heart was beating very fast. There were so many things running through my mind.

What if he came and started a conversation?
What if he smile at me?
What if he asked how was I doing all these while?
What if he asked if I missed him?
What if he asked why I was crying?
What if he asked why I was running away?
What if he asked why I covered my face?
What if he ask?

Just as he step in the canteen, I feel like today was the 19th June.

I know I have gotten over him. But somehow I feel like running away from the fact that he's there. I feel like running away from the fact that I still miss him after all these. I feel like running away from the fact that we were once together. I feel like running away from the fact that this is the second time I saw you and never will.

I should have looked at your face and continue talking to Liliana and Fitri. I should have..

I know I have gotten over you, but the reason I cried is that because I miss you so much. The reason I cried is that because it's been a long time. The reason I cried is because I trusted you so much. The reason I cried is because it was a sudden that our eyes met. The reason I cried is because it has been a year since it's passed.

I have gotten over you on the day it marks a year when we've stopped talking. That is the day.

I know you got her now, (and eventhough I don't know what happened between the two of you right now) and I, just the way I am. (:

I'm okay now.

By the way, remember the day we went to school together?